This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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