No stitches, just platelets and will power
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
whose parrot is this?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
