i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
