I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
