Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
