I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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