Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
