He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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