Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
