i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
