some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
