don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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