the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
