when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
