I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
