i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
