Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
