Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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