Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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