I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
