My hand turned me down
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
