you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
