mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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