You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
