my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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