He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
