somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
