We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
