I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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