tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
