You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
