I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
