i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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