Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
