I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
