Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
