i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
