I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
