That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
