i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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