I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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