How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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