If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
