Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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