You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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