Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
