physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
