Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
