Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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