His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
