it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
