matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
