everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
